Crank: High Voltage

Genre: Action & Adventure
So only two films opened this week (and late int he week to boot). Crank 2 and 17 Again. Now if you're a heterosexual male who has about 2 hours to kill until you have to be at the office, which would you choose?

I know, right?

The idea of Crank 2 is Jason Statham running around Los Angeles with only a few hours to save his life. In order to do that he needs to do some very bad things. This includes a lot of murder and mayhem, and some public indecency for good measure. It's supposed to be like Speed mixed with a bit of 24, but with logic thrown out the window.

That's the idea anyway. The execution doesn't really deliver. The first one came out of nowhere and it had alot of things going for it. It was a non-stop ride that DEMANDED you leave your brain at the door. It had Statham who, in my opinion should be getting more work as a leading man in action vehicles. He brings any movie he's in a certain cool that just makes you want to cheer. Even clunkers like the Transporter sequels made you want this guy to win. Then it's got Amy Smart in sex scenes in public.

'Nuff said.

The second one has all that, but somehow, something went very very wrong. Now I don't mind going into a cinema during the third reel and waiting for the beginning after the break. But in this case, the last half of the movie was so inarguably ridiculous, so patently preposterous, I didn't bother staying to see the beginning. Amy Smart sex scene or not, Geri Halliwell cameo or not, I didn't want to wait another 30 minutes to sit through this crap.

And it's not just the story. Now if you've taken a film class, they'll tell you the camera shake from hand held camera work is used to create an uneasiness in the viewer. But the director has the camera on some guy's shoulder the ENTIRE movie! Talk about queasy-making. Plus it seems that the cameraman AND the editor AND the director AND the actors... pretty much everyone involved down to the caterers are all on crack. The whole movie is like some bad trip full of cuts and odd angles and over the top acting. It's a total mess.

It's amazing, but despite having two very beautiful actresses (Amy Smart and Bai Ling) in the cast, they manage to make them both more unnattractive then I have ever seen them. I found myself wanting to shot Ling myself and Smart is little more than the girl in the short dress showing off her legs in the street. Both act like ridiculous caricatures.

Even the action is kind of blah. Sure there's ALOT of it, but it's boring unimaginitive stuff made even worse by the crazy camera work. During the last scene, a guy pulls out a pair of nunchucks! He proceeds to do the requisite nunchuck twirling, hits a guy once with it, and then throws it away. I don't know if it was supposed to be a joke or what, but it fell totally flat.

The effects don't help either. There's a scene with a guy on fire beating the crap out of people. Instead of a stunt guy, they digitally "painted" the flames in. Absolutely awful. And don't get me started on the reveal at the end. I don't want to spoil it, but it is undeniably, the worst worst worst effects job I've seen in a long time. Not only is it a bad effect, but it's worse than the end reveal of "Knowing" which was the mother of all cop outs.

Bottom line; don't waste your time. If you're a fan of Smart and want to see her pole dance, then wait for the DVD.


  1. "If you're a fan of Smart and want to see her pole dance, then wait for the DVD"

    ... or a youtube vid.

  2. amy smart. i knew her as a disney princess and couldn't imagine she pole dance. whew!! in a princess' gown. lol..


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