Resident Evil: Extinction

Originally posted on Sept 30, '07, at

I never have actually played the Resident Evil games, so I can't really tell you how the movie sucks compared to the game. I'm not really a connoisseur of artsy fartsy "films" so I'm not going to tell you that this was a total waste of time and money and that they should never have made a film this stupid.

I like Paul W.S. Anderson movies for what they are; fluff pieces that are fun to watch. He's what Uwe Boll wishes he could be. I can honestly say I like the Resident Evil movie franchise. I thoroughly enjoyed the first movie. I thought it was a nice sci-fi take on the whole zombie-eat-brains movie. The whole laser hallway and the evil queen computer... all good stuff. The down and out military crack team, surrounded by undead, picked off one by one. cool. And that dress. You know the one I'm talking about. They can put almost anything on Milla and she'd still look good (witness Fifth Element), but that dress was...

I was disappointed with the second, though. Someone needs to teach Sienna Guillory to hold a gun. Her character was pretty useless wasn't she? And what the hell is up with the bad guy, Nemesis? He looks like something out of the WWE. It was just a mess from the start. But then, It's Milla Jovovich doing arnis, so... meh.

I'm glad the franchise has gone back to the tone of the first one with Extinction. Empty streets, instead of corridors, zombie crows instead of dogs (though there are your requisite dogs in this one too). I'm kinda on the fence with the whole psionic powers gimmick, but there's the addition of both Ali Larter and Ashanti (though the latter croaks pretty early on) to the cast so I can't really complain. And you really can't go wrong with Milla Jovovich walking around in tight shorts with guns and knives and what-have-you.

Let's face it, that's really the reason anybody watches these movies. We could care less about the rest of the cast, as long as Milla does a few cool copiera moves and makes it to the last reel, we're fine with the price of admission.


Originally posted on Sept 30, '07, at

I've been a fan of Crichton's novels for about a decade now. I'll admit I found him because of the Jurassic Park movies, but I came to like his novels for the intense research he puts into everything. If you read Jurassic, you'll find yourself immersed in Chaos theory and genetics. If you read Rising Sun, you'll learn more about Japanese business practices then you'll ever need to know. This time around he's taking on quantum mechanics.

The first half of the book is mostly the discussion of quantum theory and the multi-verse. This is the kind of thing Crichton does best. Even with a limited knowledge of the science, you can almost feel like you understand. It's right there on the tip of your brain... and if you can just try a little harder, all will become clear to you.

The problem with the book is that once the protagonists get to the past, the excitement is gone. What follows is scene after scene of the team getting captured, escaping, getting captured, escaping. It's tedious, tiresome, and unforgivable boring. If you're a history buff, you might enjoy the descriptions of medieval France, but there's little thrill once they go back.

I'm hoping this doesn't mean he's losing his touch. I'll try and get "Next" and reserve judgement till then.


Originally posted on Sept 17, '07, at


*I'm still mourning over Robert Jordan*


Originally posted on Sept 17, '07, at



Stooopid, stoopid author... he's dead! I knew it! I knew it would come to this! every time another book came out and I got to page 850 and the hero was still courting some girl, and the shadowy forces were still amassing, and the armies of a thousand nations were still not where they were supposed to be... I had this sinking feeling and a little voice inside my head went, "wait a minute... there's only 100 more pages to this thing... he's not going to finish it this time either! I've read 1200 pages and I have to wait another two years for the next book! argh!". This has gone one for something like a decade and a half. Then he started those PREQUELS! argh! I've got all the books and every time I had this little episode, I had the sinking sensation that he would die before he would finish this damned story. I hate being right.

Now what am I going to wait in drooling anticipation for? Harry Potter? eeeeeeyyyyaaaaauuuughhh! *#^$&#(%^()!#&*#^*!$!%^*#%^*!#(!&)*(!!!!!!!w94572934719!!!!!

This blows.

Here's hoping he's as prolific in death as Tupac is.

A.I. Artificial Intelligence

Originally posted on Sept 2, '07 at

Many sci fi geeks will tell you that one of the things we find so enthralling about Science Fiction is a world with programmable people; a world with robots. There's a certain attraction pulling our imaginations that way and you see it in works as varied as Star Wars with its ubiquitous droids, to Issac Asimov's three laws of robotics.

AI is an exploration of another of these what-if? worlds. Like Lucas' classic galaxy far, far away, this one's got androids and robots coming out the wazoo and they do everything from the crap jobs no one wants to being the guilt-free spouse substitute in the conjugal bed. But these robotic simulacra all have one thing in common... they don't really have feelings.

Their personalities are programed into them and they follow simple logarithms that dictate their reactions to certain external stimuli. There's none of the unpredictability of living systems, none of the capacity to learn, and none of the ability to love. So when a robot comes along that can suddenly FEEL... well, I won't bore you with plot details, but naturally, things go a little nuts.

All in all, this is one of my favorite films not because of the effects, but because of the characters. I loved the little android kid (Haley Joel Osment) who just wants his mommy to love him, and the gentle Gepetto figure (William Hurt) who wants to bring his son back to life, and the brotherly android (Jude Law) who brings him home. I also loved the ending, which is just what it should be, bitter sweet. It's not the candy coated popcorn fare you'd expect, but realistic within the rules dictate by the genre.

This was supposed to be Stanley Kubrick's last film, and you see his influence throughout the film. Everyone seems creepy. The world seems like some kind of neon circus. Osment continually stares at you with his eyes wide making your stomach kinda queasy. Yet the movie is all Spielberg as you'll see once you get to the end. Still I can't hold it against them.

I never did like Kubrick films.


Originally posted on July 31, '07 at

As a horror movie geek, I was excited to see this movie. Every time a new Filipino horror movie starts getting good reviews, I get excited. I keep thinking that this time will be it, this time I'll find a good Filipino movie that will impress me, scare me, get me to sh*t my pants.

Like before, I'm disappointed.

So far, the Filipino directors I've seen don't have the subtlety to create the suspense needed for a really great horror film, and the actors don't have the skills to really sell their characters fear (Desiree Del Valle's and Ruby Rodriguez's possession scenes come off as funny more than anything else). If you want to see a good possession scene, rent Exorcist or find a copy of Constantine and watch Jhoanna Trias go to work.

Find a copy of Bug or Sixth Sense or Tale of Two Sisters, turn off the lights and turn up the volume. There's enough atmosphere to these worlds; they choke their audience with the stink of melodrama and suffocate them with overblown homages rather than trying something experimental.

Anyone who's been through Jap Horror mania will recognize most of the cliches here. Girl with long stringy hair in her face wearing a white dress? check. The creepy child ghost who says cryptic things and is really only trying to help? check. The twin ghosts, one of whom is bad, and one is good? check? The contortionist ghost, the ghost under the bed, the ghost on the ceiling? check check check.

I've seen this all before, and I've seen it done better. This is just a string of cheap, rehashed thrills.

Then how do I explain all the "rave reviews" it's been getting? The "rated A by the movie board" I see in the paper? Simple. Media hype. The majority of Filipino audiences don't know it's a rip off. They don't know that there's a world of material out there, they aren't exposed to the really great stuff from other countries. And all the media is interested in is flogging the "local blockbuster" tag to death.

It doesn't take a big budget to make a good film. If production values were all I was talking about, I'd have given this a better rating. Neil Daza's Cinematography looks nice and the location (that underwater cemetery in Camiguin really deserves a better movie) is some kinda wow.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Originally posted on July 12, '07 at

The best of the five
Jedi Knights with pointy hats
Gay old men winking

It's like Star Wars, but with lots of British people.

I have to admit it's probably the best of the series in terms of entertainment value. It doesn't have the artsy fartsy overtones of the Prisoner of Azkaban, or the overblown effects of Goblet of Fire and I feel it more than the Chris Columbus ones. It's got plenty of wizard fights and uncomfortable wide-angle shots. The opening scene pretty much sets the tone, though I thought the dementors in the third one were creepier.

Plus the writers decided to squish the book into something much more usable on screen, which is ALWAYS much better than trying to appease the purists by shoving every key scene from a book into the movie.

See it if you really like Harry Potter, Daniel Radcliffe, or pubescent girls and boys. Otherwise, go see Transformers.

And NO, Radcliff doesn't get nekkid. But it caught you're attention didn't it.

EDIT: Here's the real poster:


Originally posted on July 12, '07 at

I should have learned by now that one should never... NEVER... watch favorite television programs from their childhood. Movies are OK. They usually hold up relatively well for decades after their release. I still love Labyrinth and Transformers the Movie and Gremlins. But TV shows? no no NO.

Despite the fact that I'd already done it with Transformers and GI Joe, I still decided to watch MacGyver when my sister got us the DVD of the sixth and seventh seasons. I've gone through 5 episodes so far and the only thing I can say is:

"How come I never realized what a gullible idiot I was as a kid?"

Seriously, this stuff is beyond preposterous. I thought "24" was moronic with Bauer attracting bad mojo every which way, but Angus MacGyver is even worse. Within the first five episodes of the sixth season, old Mac has already faced para-military vigilante street toughs rocking to the worst 80's rap you'll ever hear, Romanian super commandos trained to blindly follow orders and bent on killing him, Iranian gunrunners bent on finding a cursed gun used in the assassination of a presidential candidate, local junkies wanting to sell and/or get rid of said gun, a breathless wacko jacko wanabee who have been accused of a murder using said gun, an underage drunkard that looks a lot like Mayim Bialik, and a hot ex Stasi agent and her former cohorts in search of West German gold.

Who does all that?

Still, I have to admit I have a blast searching through all this nonsense for those gems where he works his magic to get out of the impossible situations his job as a consultant for the Phoenix Foundation seems to get him into. Jack Bauer's got nothing on the Mac. I mean where else are you going to learn that you can open government safes using a telephone or that coffee can help when you're having asthma attacks?

National Treasure

Originally posted on July 12, '07 at

The reason I always loved American history as a kid was because of stories like National Treasure. It takes little interesting bits of history and twists them in a way that makes everything a bit more exciting than it really is, while still remaining true to the facts. I've yet to see a Filipino movie that can create the same enthusiasm for me. Most historical dramas here aren't fun; they're mind-numbingly dreary and pedantic. Every time I see a movie about Rizal, I feel like I'm back in high school reading a text book.

Go watch 300, Saving Private Ryan, anything by Kurosawa or Zwick, hell, even Shakespeare in Love. These are movies that really spark my interest in history and make me wanna go find a history book (or at the very least pop open Wikipedia) and start researching. Did Ben Franklin really suggest Daylight Savings Time? Did the Spartans really hold back the Persians? Did Tom Cruise really go to Japan and learn the ways of the Samurai? National Treasure is just one of those movies that I love because it makes me really feel like I'm standing there amidst great men.

It's not like Da Vinci Code. Da Vinci Code sucked donkey dick and don't try to convince me otherwise. It took an idea that's been around for ages (I mean seriously, I've been hearing about this Jesus-married-Mary-Magdalene-and-had-a-kid-who-the-Knights-Templar-were-charged-to-protect crap since before high school) and made it into a sub-standard action movie. The movie did nothing for the novel, just squished everything together and put it to music. Do not speak to me about Da Vinci Code.

Just go and watch National Treasure, then watch the sequel when it comes out.

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Originally posted on July 1, '07 at

Arise! Arise, Riders of Theoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered! A sword day, a red day, ere the sun rises!

Ride now!... Ride now!... Ride! Ride to ruin and the world’s ending!


Forth, Eorlingas!
-- Theoden, at the gates of Minas Tirith

If you haven't watched Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings, you need to. If you haven't seen the extended versions, you have to.

Forget Transformers. Forget Harry Potter. They suck. Go out now, find the extended versions of The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, and Return of the King. Go home, spin up the DVD player, and prepare not to move for 12 hours. That's how good these movies are. It doesn't matter if you don't like fantasy movies. I doesn't matter if you don't really understand English movies. It doesn't matter if you've been living in a cave for the past decade and haven't touched your TV in thirty years. These films transcend all of that. This is not an exaggeration.

Ride now and find them.

Hot Fuzz

Originally posted on July 1, '07 at

Hot Cops these are not
kickin' ass & takin' names
Friends 4evah, man.
If you've watched Shaun of the Dead, then you know that there's a certain kind of bizarre quirkiness to Edgar Wright films, especially with Simon and Nick on his team. Their movies aren't set in the real world. The real world isn't this stupid.

I mean in the real world, a good cop who did his job, kept the streets safe and had an arrest record 400% better than the rest of the London force wouldn't be transferred to a quiet town to rot because he was making the rest of the team look bad, would he? In the real world, it would be unlikely that said cop would find a rotund, daffily inept sidekick who was nonetheless loveable and eager to learn how to do things the right way. And in the real world the two heroes wouldn't have to deal with a totally clueless team and secret small town conspiracies, would they?

No in the real world, a loose cannon who was on the ragged edge would have been transferred to another department to work with an older, more experienced, cop who would trade poignant life lessons and funny one liners with his new, albeit reluctant, partner, and they'd get their hands in some kind of big time drug ring or mob plot and go on to bust some caps in the bad guys' asses, with big explosions, sexy ladies, and 360 degree hero shots galore.

That's the real world.

TRUK NOT MUNKY, DEMMIT! (Transformers the second and third time)

Originally posted on July 1, '07 on


So I've watched it three times now, and I still can't make out one robot's ass from another during the fights. And what's up with all of the tumbling down narrow ass streets anyway? Do thirty foot robots really present a significantly smaller target signature when they roll about five steps? Can the Decepticons suck that much with their plasma rifles? They're in front of you, down a long path with huge buildings on either side. Fire off a couple of missiles and a burst from your hand cannons... They can't be that hard to hit.

And why does the "Cube" only make Decepticons? If it made life on Cybertron, where the hell did the Autobots come from? And why does it kill a bot if you stick it in their chest? And if they bloody well knew that it would kill a bot when you stick it in their chest, why don't they stick it in Megatron's chest when he's still a popsicle. And what made them think to stick it in someone's chest? Has it happened before? And if so, why is the Cube still around?

And speaking of the Cube, why does it need to shrink? To get that extra "Wow, kewl" moment in? For that matter, why does it need to be so huge anyhow. And how come frenzy can shrink to the size of a cellphone? Where did the rest of his mass go? For that matter, where do all those little itty-bitty parts go when any of the transformers change? And if their mass does change, why not have Soundwave for a spy, instead of this gremlin Frenzy? And if they're "Hiding", why the hell does Prime have red flames painted down his side and why does Bumblebee's paint job scream "Look at me!"

Hollywood logic is annoying.

I like the comedy, but they really needed to establish some actual character for the robots other than just "hip-hop wannabe" or "trigger happy monkey". The only one you really got a feel for was Bumblebee, which is why he's everyone's favorite I suppose. So many human characters and tangential plot points that they didn't have any real development for the main characters. I mean did we really need John Turturro's character (wasn't he the most annoying shit)? Or the hacker chick that did nothing but tell us "they're not Iranians, they're big aliens". Like we couldn't figure that out. And though I'll admit Anthony Anderson steals every scene he's in, does he further anything along?

I hate to be the "Truk not Munky" fan boy, but face it, if we weren't so wowed by the big shiny robots doing cartwheels, this movie would've tanked.

The Game

Originally posted on July 1, '07 at

The game is deadly
Is it real or just a con?
Only the clown knows

I just watched this movie again and it's still one of my favorites, holding up well despite being almost a decade old. Aside from being one of Fincher's earlier works, it's got a great cast and a great script. Like Usual Suspects, The Sixth Sense, or Sneakers it's one of those movies where you KNOW what's going to happen, but you still feel tense and find yourself holding your breath, even after watching about a dozen times.

If you haven't heard of it, the general plot is that Sean Penn is Michael Douglas' brother. Sean gives Michael a birthday present, a gift certificate for a high-end entertainment service that promises a life-changing experience, "or your money back". And no, they're not hookers.

Anyway, I won't ruin the movie for you. Just go out and get your hands on a copy, make yourself some popcorn and turn off your phone. Sit down on your couch and get comfortable, then press play.

Then when you're done, help me find one of those "I was drugged and left for dead in Mexico and all I got was this stupid T-shirt" shirts cause those are so fucking cool.


Originally posted on June 28, '07 at

Do I really need to post a review?

Good guys win, bad guys lose, geek gets the girl, and Los Angeles gets really messed up.

It's a Michael Bay movie so there's lots of guns, explosions, girls in short skirts, and many... many... hero shots of the protagonists (and even some of the bit players, too!). And apparently, the Autobots are now retarded monkeys.

It would have been one star, but Megan Fox is REALLY hot. Now you've noticed I gave it two stars, but you know you're going to watch anyway.

Then you know you're going to go to your nearest pirated DVD vendor and buy the anniversary edition DVD of the original animated movie with the real transformers and a story that makes sense. kinda, anyway.


Originally posted on June 27, '07 at

Bug isn't the kind of movie everyone gets. The first reel is appallingly dragging if your attention span is measured in seconds like mine is. I felt myself wishing there was someway to fast forward through all the exposition and character history. But if you're patient and can keep from screaming, the P150 or so you shelled out is totally worth it.

The film is directed by William Friedkin (the dude who gave us The Exorcist) and based on Tracy Letts' play of the same name. Letts even did the screenplay, and It really does feel like it's made for the stage. There's only five main characters and most of the story takes place inside a motel room. Yet it still manages to make your hair stand on end.

It's the acting and writing that really sell this pic. Harry Connick Jr. is pretty impressive as the bastard ex-hubby; he's the guy you love to hate. Then, once the next act hits and Ashley Judd starts showing signs of infestation, the sh*t really hits the fan. When Michael Shannon starts channeling Brad Pit in 12 Monkeys, you're knee deep in the delusional paranoia.

I swear the leads' acarophobia is so convincing it's kinda contagious. During the second reel, you start thinking that maybe there's something crawling on your arm. Then you think maybe it's digging under your skin. By the time the third act rolls around your deliciously schizo and the claustrophobia is really getting to you. The climax moves in and you're totally freaking out. And when the credits finally roll, you're well on you're way to being a full blown sociopath.

Bridge to Terabithia

Originally posted on June 27, '07 at

Whenever I watch TV nowadays, I have to wonder how kids these days aren't all blubbering idiots by the time they're three years old. I mean look at what they've got to watch now. Bananas in Pajamas, Blues Clues, Teletubbies, Dora the Explorer? Every time I turn this shit on I feel like I'm losing brain cells.

The kid's shows of my day were a lot less condescending and a lot more imaginative. Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock, The Muppets, Looney Toons. They got your mind working in a way that today's programming just doesn't even come close to.

That's why I love Bridge to Terebithia. The film is like reading a book; there aren't any really big set pieces and no big marquee players that beg for your attention. There's a wonderful sense of the fantastic to the film, like something extraordinary can happen if you just believe it can.

Spider-Man 3

Originally posted on May 6, '07 at

I'm not even going to bother with the haiku this time.

So it looks like Marvel is intent on killing the Spider-man franchise, just like Hollywood killed Batman. This is the worst comic movie I've seen since Ghost Rider. It does not bode well for FF2. Or Iron Man for that matter. I still have hopes for Joss Whedon's Wonder Woman...

When will the studios learn that less is better when it comes to certain things. Having three villains does NOT make for three times the geeky goodness. Having familiar characters like Doc Connors and Gwen Stacey does NOT make the movie better if they don't have anything to do except provide exposition. Two love triangles is NOT better than one.

And would somebody in Hollywood please put out a general ban on amnesia in anything outside of soap operas.

The extra star is just for the fight scenes. Watching Tobey get the snot beat outta him after that Travolta scene and the beatnik jazz bar was kinda fun. And as a friend of mine said after watching...

It looks like it really hurt.

The Fountain

Originally posted on April 29, '07 at

My blood feeds the loam
My arms will scratch the heavens
The road to awe waits

So I finally got to watch Darren Aronofsky's The Fountain. It's one of the films I'd missed at the cinema and after seeing a half-assed film transfer on my dinky TV screen, I really wish I hadn't. Seeing the cg matte paintings of Xibabla from fourth row center would've been a kick. Hopefully, I can still find the graphic novel somewhere, and when that original DVD goes on sale... *crosses fingers*

The movie's a little warped gem of storytelling. Like a Tarantino film, it's got that demented kind of retrograde continuity that starts at the end of the middle, jumps back to the beginning of the start, and ends at the end of the end. It sounds confusing and it is.

It's one of those movies where you've sat through the first reel and you go, "what the fuck is going on?" But if you're patient and have an attention span longer than a five year old on Halloween, you should be able to pick up the plot without any problem. And it's only about an hour and a half, so you don't have that long to wait for a resolution.

Aronofsky constantly invites you to empathize with his characters, starting with close-ups of their faces, and pulling back so you see more and more of their world; it's a world of sad, majestic grace. His set pieces are gorgeously produced, from Queen Isabel's chamber, filled with light, to Tommy's home in the future, next to a dying star, to the blank white palate of Izzie's grave. Every image, every word, every sound, touches a chord that sticks in your gut.

But, It's the kind of movie where suspension of disbelief is key; like Shaymalan's The Village, you won't be able to appreciate the complexities if you're nitpicking about the small stuff. And if you're thinking that this is a happy movie, forget it. Go see the Tagalog romance showing next door. This is a movie about death and rebirth and eternal life. This is the kind of deliciously depressing movie I love, with just enough hope at the end to keep you from throwing yourself in front of a bus.

Still if tomorrow a bus does slam into me, I'll be okay with it. Just bury me in a field, plant a seed on my grave and let me reach for heaven. Eventually we're all headed to the stars on the road to awe.


Originally posted on April 14, '07, at

"Go tell the Spartans, passerby
That by Spartan law, here we lie"

I don't cry when I watch outright dramas; tearjerkers don't really have the intended effect on me. I tend to observe them stoically, appreciating the effect they have on others, but never really being affected myself (I'm dead inside, I know).

The only time I ever get teary eyed at the cinema is when I watch the stuff where the big hero/heroine makes the big speech about heroism and sacrifice and an eternity celebrating in the halls of valhalla with the likes of Achilles, Oddysseus, and Schwarzenegger.

As Theodred mourns for his son among fields of Simbelmynë, I can't help but sob. Whenever Bill Pullman shouts "This is our Independence Day!" I get all misty. When Willam Hurt says "The world moves for love; it kneels before it in awe", I'm left speechless. I was tearing up when Samuel Jackson gave the whole "We are soooo gonna get out of here" speech in Deep Blue Sea.

Well, until the shark ate him of course.

So given this quirk, you can imagine how moving 300 was for me. If you put aside all the unabashed violence, alleged homo-eroticism, and hedonistic depravity of the bad guys, the story is all about sacrifice and heroism in the face of overwhelming odds. Leonidas takes on "a thousand nations of the Persian Empire", laughs in their faces and inspires his people to defeat the hordes and usher in an age of reason?

Dude, where do I fall in line?


Originally posted on Apr 10, '07 at

Bathed in yellow warmth
Sins and flesh turn to ash
Sunshine burns my soul

I couldn't sleep again. My serotonin levels ebbing away and my frustration levels growing, I decided to see a movie again. It was either the questionable "The Reaping" or the new Danny Boyle flick "Sunshine". Unless you've a complete lack of observational powers, you know I chose to see the latter.

I loved the trailer to this movie, and I was afraid it was going to be a complete let down (which is usually the case when I like a trailer), but I'm glad to say that this one was worth the hundred forty. It's been a while since I saw any movie that could get me to actually hold my breath in anticipation of what would happen next.

The film is like a mess of 2001, 2046, and Contact, with maybe a little of ID4's popcorn heroism thrown in. It has a certain visual lyricism that made it hard for me to take my eyes off the screen; every shot evokes an emotion. It's not the showy, empty busyness of a Pitof film, just subtly dramatic photography that makes it hard to choose a favorite image.

The music is also something that really works well, striking chords that stir both hope and hopelessness within the same scene. I thought casting was pretty good too, with performances that didn't overshadow the idea of the story, which is really what good science fiction is really made of.

The only disappointment I have with the movie is the choice to shift the tone of it towards the end. Rather than continuing on with the slow burning, constantly building anticipation, the authors decided to rip out a page from 28 Days Later and the movie starts looking like a new age zombie slasher. The ending itself is great, with another lovely image to bring home with you; it's just the falling action that really gets me.

Still. This is definitely one of my favorite movies now, right up there with Lord of the Rings, Princess Bride, Before Sunset, and Usual Suspects. It's just a near perfect example of what a movie of it's genre should be.


Originally posted on April 8, '07 8:30 at

Rain falls on New York
A battle between brothers
rage over duty

While the artist in me knows the animation of this computer generated cartoon isn't the best, and the writer in me knows the screenplay is juvenile, and the cineaste in me knows the voice acting leaves something to be desired... The little geeky kid in me loves this movie like turtles love pizza.

It's got ninja turtles, ninja rats, hot ninja ladies, with lots of extra ninjas thrown in; 'cause you know, everything is better with ninjas. Plus, there's the ever-lovin' turtle van, a heavy metal vigilante tooling around on a motorcycle, four nasty bad guys that would look great as toys, rampaging monsters terrorizing the city, a swirling vortex of extra-dimensional destruction, and one little gremlin who really needs to switch to decaf. All it's missing is Ernie Reyes Jr. and Vanilla Ice!

Can I get a "Cowabunga"?

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