TRUK NOT MUNKY, DEMMIT! (Transformers the second and third time)

Originally posted on July 1, '07 on


So I've watched it three times now, and I still can't make out one robot's ass from another during the fights. And what's up with all of the tumbling down narrow ass streets anyway? Do thirty foot robots really present a significantly smaller target signature when they roll about five steps? Can the Decepticons suck that much with their plasma rifles? They're in front of you, down a long path with huge buildings on either side. Fire off a couple of missiles and a burst from your hand cannons... They can't be that hard to hit.

And why does the "Cube" only make Decepticons? If it made life on Cybertron, where the hell did the Autobots come from? And why does it kill a bot if you stick it in their chest? And if they bloody well knew that it would kill a bot when you stick it in their chest, why don't they stick it in Megatron's chest when he's still a popsicle. And what made them think to stick it in someone's chest? Has it happened before? And if so, why is the Cube still around?

And speaking of the Cube, why does it need to shrink? To get that extra "Wow, kewl" moment in? For that matter, why does it need to be so huge anyhow. And how come frenzy can shrink to the size of a cellphone? Where did the rest of his mass go? For that matter, where do all those little itty-bitty parts go when any of the transformers change? And if their mass does change, why not have Soundwave for a spy, instead of this gremlin Frenzy? And if they're "Hiding", why the hell does Prime have red flames painted down his side and why does Bumblebee's paint job scream "Look at me!"

Hollywood logic is annoying.

I like the comedy, but they really needed to establish some actual character for the robots other than just "hip-hop wannabe" or "trigger happy monkey". The only one you really got a feel for was Bumblebee, which is why he's everyone's favorite I suppose. So many human characters and tangential plot points that they didn't have any real development for the main characters. I mean did we really need John Turturro's character (wasn't he the most annoying shit)? Or the hacker chick that did nothing but tell us "they're not Iranians, they're big aliens". Like we couldn't figure that out. And though I'll admit Anthony Anderson steals every scene he's in, does he further anything along?

I hate to be the "Truk not Munky" fan boy, but face it, if we weren't so wowed by the big shiny robots doing cartwheels, this movie would've tanked.

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