| Rating: | ★ |
| Category: | Movies |
| Genre: | Science Fiction & Fantasy |
So I've watched it three times now, and I still can't make out one robot's ass from another during the fights. And what's up with all of the tumbling down narrow ass streets anyway? Do thirty foot robots really present a significantly smaller target signature when they roll about five steps? Can the decepticons suck that much with their plasma rifles? They're in front of you, down a long path with huge buildings on either side. Fire off a couple of missles and a burst from your hand cannons... They can't be that hard to hit.
And why does the "Cube" only make decepticons? If it made life on Cybertron, where the hell did the autobots come from? And why does it kill a bot if you stick it in their chest? And if they bloody well knew that it would kill a bot when you stick it in their chest, why don't they stick it in Megatron's chest when he's still a popsicle. And what made them think to stick it in someone's chest? Has it happend before? And if so, why is the Cube still around?
And speaking of the Cube, why does it need to shrink? To get that extra "Wow, kewl" moment in? For that matter, why does it need to be so huge anyhow. And how come frenzy can shrink to the size of a cellphone? Where did the rest of his mass go? For that matter, where do all those little itty-bitty parts go when any of the transformers change? And if their mass does change, why not have Soundwave for a spy, instead of this gremlin Frenzy? And if they're "Hiding", why the hell does Prime have red flames painted down his side and why does Bumblebee's paintjob scream "Look at me!"
Hollywood logic is annoying.
I like the comedy, but they really needed to establish some actual character for the robots other than just "hip-hop wannabe" or "trigger happy monkey". The only one you really got a feel for was Bumblebee, which is why he's everyone's favorite I suppose. So many human characters and tangential plot points that they didn't have any real development for the main characters. I mean did we really need John Turturro's character (wasn't he the most annoying shit)? Or the hacker chick that did nothing but tell us "they're not Iranians, they're big aliens". Like we couldn't figure that out. And though I'll admit Anthony Anderson steals every scene he's in, does he further anything along?
I hate to be the "Truk not Munky" fan boy, but face it, if we weren't so wowed by the big shiny robots doing cartwheels, this movie would've tanked.
I assume when your sister pleads you to go watch it for the nth time with her during your SM Baguio tour, you will just lock and load and haul ass at that point. Monday's headlines will read "Geek Shoots 20 in Burnham". By standers will comment "he just kept saying 'fuck-tuturro' and chanting 'a-e-i-o-u-who' over and over again while tumbling".
ReplyDeleteThank gawd she already saw the thing, or I just might.
ReplyDeleteIt's Michael Bay... what'd you expect. You knew all along he's gonna butcher it. But I still enjoyed it, lowered expectation does wonders man!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. Really, if I hadn't of prepared myself for major suckage, I would have been so bummed. As it is, I was able to like it for what it was. Sorta like "Dead or Alive".
ReplyDeletethank god i don't remember much about transformers or the movie would have sucked for me too... i remember just enough to enjoy the movie and understand certain punchlines that slipped the crowd
ReplyDeletealso add to questions: if the cube can heal robots who touch it (example: Frenzy) why didn't Bumblebee's legs get healed when he handed over the cube to Sam?
ReplyDeletedid Barricade survive the highway chase? i recall Prime stepping on something and it exploded. was it Barricade or was he edited out?
I don't think it healed him. I think it was another of Bay's annoying gaffs of logic. Frenzy can regenerate you know, like a lizard...
ReplyDeleteAnd Barricade wasn't the only one. What the hell happened to the Mountain Dew weilding decepticon?
Some points to ponder upon your critique:
ReplyDeleteHave you watched the original Transformers cartoons? There was a lot of firefights, but how many times did you ever see an Autobot or Decepticon really take a hit from one of the opposing side's fire?
If you clearly understood the movie during your 1st, 2nd and 3rd time watching, one could recall Optimus Prime saying that the AllSpark was the source of life in their planet, and they needed it to restore what was left of it. Combining it with Prime's spark in his chest was the last resort, if the AllSpark was to fall into Decepticon's hands.
I don't know if I got my Transformers history straight, but from what I remember, only Prime and Megatron can be combined with the AllSpark cube, since Prime had the Matrix, and Megatron had the remnants of the Dark Spark.
"And speaking of the Cube, why does it need to shrink?" <-- to be portable, i guess.
"And how come frenzy can shrink to the size of a cellphone? Where did the rest of his mass go?" <-- Still in the same place where Frenzy lost his head. His head was the only one who transformed in a celphone, remember?
"And if their mass does change, why not have Soundwave for a spy, instead of this gremlin Frenzy?" <--Don Murphy, one of the producers of the movie, said that the role would belittle Soundwave, considering that Soundwave was one of the three most powerful original Decepticons along with Megatron and Shockwave. But don't worry, there's a rumor that he'll be intended as a major character in the sequel.
"...Or the hacker chick that did nothing but tell us "they're not Iranians, they're big aliens". Like we couldn't figure that out. And though I'll admit Anthony Anderson steals every scene he's in, does he further anything along?" <-- A friend of mine refreshed my memory about these. Even though these characters didn't exactly develop through the story, having these people in the story would eventually be nostalgic to some watchers, since both were really characters in the original animated series (even though it was just a few episodes).
I could vaguely remember my Transformers, so feel free to critique my points too. I'll be happy to listen.
I can also understand where you're going to, friend. There are some flaws and blunders in the movie, but I suggest that if you haven't read the full story about the movie's development, and it's relation with animated series, just appreciate the movie as it is. That way, everybody will be happy.
Dude, this is the review of a bonafide Transformers Geek/fan boy and I suggest you've taken it entirely too seriously. But since I'm bored and you've piqued my interest...
ReplyDelete1. Yeah I watched the original cartoon. But that was for a TV audience of kids at home on Saturday mornings; the level of violence in this one is alot higher than in the cartoon, and even the cartoon movie had deaths (albeit robot deaths). For pete's sake, most of the autobots were taken out with one shot from Decepticon blasters.
2. Yes, I heard Optimus say the Spark was the source of life, and yes I know it was the last resort, but they never explained how they knew that it could be destroyed by combining it with the spark in a leader's chest. They probably explained it sometime in Beast Machines. It's assumed you'll take their word for it (or that you've read or watched about two decades of continuity).
3. If the Cube needed to be portable, then make it portable. There's no reason why it needs to be the size of building. Again it's assumed you'll take it for granted and go "Wow!"
4. Even the mass of Frenzy's head was bigger than the cellphone, dude.
5. Ok, I'll give you that one. Now that I think about it, the role WOULD have made Soundwave look like an ass. But then if they hadn't of written the role as another Jar Jar Binks, they wouldn't have that problem, would they?
6. That was supposed to be Chip? You're kidding? Still, they only needed one hacker. I'd vote for the hot girl.
7. I do appreciate it for what it is (which is why I've watched it 3 times). It's a Michael Bay movie; exciting and fun, and relatively mindless. It's Transformers; big, shiny robots with guns that transform into vehicles, which is cool.
What I'm irked about is that the story doesn't compare to anything in the past. Like I said, they had something like 20 years of American and Japanese continuities to cull material from and this is what they come up with? They had the original animated movie which is a cult classic and still the best Megatron/Prime battle.
I'm disappointed that it isn't what it could be.
Dude, this is the review of a bonafide Transformers Geek/fan boy and I suggest you've taken it entirely too seriously. But since I'm bored and you've piqued my interest...
ReplyDelete1. Yeah I watched the original cartoon. But that was for a TV audience of kids at home on Saturday mornings; the level of violence in this one is alot higher than in the cartoon, and even the cartoon movie had deaths (albeit robot deaths). For pete's sake, most of the autobots were taken out with one shot from Decepticon blasters.
2. Yes, I heard Optimus say the Spark was the source of life, and yes I know it was the last resort, but they never explained how they knew that it could be destroyed by combining it with the spark in a leader's chest. They probably explained it sometime in Beast Machines. It's assumed you'll take their word for it (or that you've read or watched about two decades of continuity).
3. If the Cube needed to be portable, then make it portable. There's no reason why it needs to be the size of building. Again it's assumed you'll take it for granted and go "Wow!"
4. Even the mass of Frenzy's head was bigger than the cellphone, dude.
5. Ok, I'll give you that one. Now that I think about it, the role WOULD have made Soundwave look like an ass. But then if they hadn't of written the role as another Jar Jar Binks, they wouldn't have that problem, would they?
6. That was supposed to be Chip? You're kidding? Still, they only needed one hacker. I'd vote for the hot girl.
7. I do appreciate it for what it is (which is why I've watched it 3 times). It's a Michael Bay movie; exciting and fun, and relatively mindless. It's Transformers; big, shiny robots with guns that transform into vehicles, which is cool.
What I'm irked about is that the story doesn't compare to anything in the past. Like I said, they had something like 20 years of American and Japanese continuities to cull material from and this is what they come up with? They had the original animated movie which is a cult classic and still the best Megatron/Prime battle.
I'm disappointed that it isn't what it could be.
hmmm... note taken. i'll probably agree with you on that. case closed. ^_^
ReplyDelete