Your Highness

I doubt we'll be seeing "Your Highness" in theaters here in the Philippines. I've noted that local distributors don't really like fantasy fare and tend to not bother getting the rights to screen hardcore genre films. Scott Pilgrim was one such casualty of the one note Philippine movie market.

It's not a great loss that we won't see this one, though. It's solidly in the category of "rental" and I may be giving it a pass at that. I was honestly looking forward to this, thinking it was some kind of Cheech and Chong Go to Camelot, like Robin Hood: Men in Tights. It didn't hurt that Natalie Portman looks great as a warrior woman in the set photos (I thought she was an elf which would have been mind-bogglingly hot). I probably should have watched a few of the trailers first, though.

The plot is familiar to anyone who's a fan of sword and sorcery stories. Thadeous (Danny McBride) and Fabious (James Franco) are princes of a kingdom. Thadeous is a lazy good-for-nothing, while Fabious is the golden boy, in line to be king and hero of song and legend. When an evil wizard, Leezar (Justin Theroux), kidnaps Fabious' virgin bride, Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel), the brothers start on a quest to free her before Leezar can complete the "Fuckening" and spawn an all powerful Dragon.

...

I was expecting more Harold and Kumar than Princess Bride as I was going mostly by the marketing material which featured McBride's face puffing away. It's nowhere close to either of those movies though; it takes itself far too seriously to be a stoner film, and it's too hard edged to be a fairy tale.

*SPOILERS*

For example, there's a scene where the two brothers go to visit a wise wizard for some advice about their quest. I was thinking oh, like Miracle Max, right? When they find him, it's a Muppet with a shower cap and a catfish mustache, puffing out of a hookah. Ok, that's good. I like Muppets. Muppets are cool.

Then the Muppet asks them to jack him off. And they proceed to do it.

O_O

*END SPOILERS*

The whole movie feels like a huge in joke between the cast members and crew. I can imagine them sitting around, smoking and drinking, trying to figure out the next improv line, laughing at their own genius. The problem is, none of it really works as a coherent film. There are a few funny moments (like the Minotaur with a boner) and a few WHOA, AWESOME! moments (every single scene with Natalie Portman in it), but it never really adds up into anything that makes much sense.

There are some good things about the movie. The aforementioned Natalie Portman is gorgeous as the resident kick-ass girlfriend trope (she's far more fappable here than in the last three Star Wars films), and James Franco hams it up to an unbelievable degree as Fabious. Zooey Deschanel is woefully underused and only has a few scenes, none of which stick out.

 Sadly, the thing is mostly a Danny McBride vehicle and he is the weakest part of the whole project. There isn't a moment in the whole film when I can connect with Thadeous as a character. When he gets the girl in the end (duh) there's a huge part of me that goes, "what the fuck?" He's like a cruder, less loveable, Jack Black, only not at all funny.

In fact, I think I'll just go and watch Kung Fu Panda 2 again to wash the taste of this movie out of my mouth.